Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
