I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
