Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
