Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
