real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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