True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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