I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
