Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
