this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
