I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
