He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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