I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
