Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
