TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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