I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
