I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
