oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
