This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
