Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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