So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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