I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
