I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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