We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize
