Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
