hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
