Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
