i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
