I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
