She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize