his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
