Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
