dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
her facebook's as public as her vagina
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
