I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
