Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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