True but thats because hes a fetus.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
