I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
