I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
