She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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