I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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