i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
