it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
