omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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