FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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