Kiss
Puke
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im six kinds of drunk right now
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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