he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
