so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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