I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
