i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
