Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
