i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im drinking this country out of the recession.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
