there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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