I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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