I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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