i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
