Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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