I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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