i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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