Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
