The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
