Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
