Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
