My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
