thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
