She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
