she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
