dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
