That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
