drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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