Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
