It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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