My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
