If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
