yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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