why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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